I'd rather stay clean than have to get clean all over again. In hindsight, my first day clean was the most horrible but most important day of my 42 years. I had gotten to the point where I didn't give a shit about myself anymore but at same time was afraid to die, high. My life was a disaster. I hadn't talked to my kids in long time. I had fines that were not paid. I had given my car to the drug dealer. Cell phone, dead and I was out of smokes. The only thing I could think of though, was getting one more hit.
It's been 11+ years since I was that hopeless addict. My blog is about my struggles in active addiction and also about my time in recovery.